Twin flames, soul mates, karmics, etc.

Updated 15 March 2022

Have you come across the term "twin flame", and wondered what it means, or how it might be different to a "soul mate" or "soulmate"? What about when you start hearing terms like "karmics"? This blog post is aimed at sharing insights from my own twin flame journey, working with and observing others on their journeys, and perspective about the purpose of these terms, and what can be learned from them.

Please note this is my own personal perspective, and I encourage you to use your own discernment and to trust your intuition when applying any guidance.

Definitions

Placing labels on things and trying to become overly pedantic about terms has its downfalls, but having a clear definition can also bring clarity and help us to understand ourselves and others in the context of close personal relationships. There isn't complete agreement even in the twin flame community about these terms, and you'll find discrepancies and disagreements aplenty. That is also why I encourage you not to get too caught up in the terms themselves, but to trust yourself and to develop your own intuition to discern the truth for yourself.

The definitions and quotes I share here are not intended to be taken as canon truth, but meant to inspire and initiate an inner journey to discovering the truth for yourself. I have continued the use of these terms due to their common use.

Let us start with the term "karmic" or "karmic mate".

"Karmic"

A Karma Mate is someone with whom there has been injury experienced in a past life—a debt to be repaid. It’s an inevitable attraction, alluring and familiar at first, although not always pleasant as events unfold. When we feel an intense and immediate connection with another, it is usually unresolved energy from a past life being restimulated.

- Jan Spiller, Cosmic Love

In this definition, and it is one I find I resonate with too, a "karmic" connection can feel intensely attractive, maybe even sudden, but is usually marked by feelings of hurt, or injury. In the context of multiple lifetimes, the idea is that a "karmic" connection is one where there is something that was left unresolved from a previous life, and so encountering this soul or connection again provides you with the means to (potentially) find that resolution in this lifetime. I think this is why they can feel so intensely attractive, because continuing to carry that forward feels heavy. A "karma mate" or "karmic" is someone we may try to have a romantic relationship with, but ultimately it does not mean they are a good match, because the reason you were drawn to them is to resolve past hurt, not to build something new.

This (Karmic love) is the hard love, the one that teaches us lessons about who we are, and how we want and need to be loved. This is the kind of love that often hurts, through the tough lessons of lies, pain, or manipulation.

- Kate Rose, You Only Fall in Love Three Times

Now, please note, I do not encourage anyone to intentionally expose themselves to hurt or lies, pain, and manipulation in relationships. Sometimes these things can be resolved within the context of a relationship if all parties are acting in good faith with a willingness to resolve the problems, other times it is necessary to set a boundary and walk away. There are means to be able to discover and find clarity about whether someone is a "karmic" connection - whether through past life regression or Akashic record readings, or so on - but personally I find it more helpful to focus on this particular lifetime.

"Soul Mate"

A Soul Mate, on the other hand, gives us back a part of ourselves that we may have been born without. It’s as though in a past life, this person entrusted part of themselves to us for safekeeping, and we did the same. In the process of interacting in this life, the gifts held sacred in each other’s hearts are given back so that both individuals can become whole and more self-actualized in their own right. They do this just in the natural exchange of energy—an underlying desire to support without any ulterior motive.

- Jan Spiller, Cosmic Love

I don't personally agree whole-heartedly with this definition in how it's been described. I don't feel we are truly born without parts of ourselves, or that we give parts of ourselves to others (it may feel that way sometimes), although I do believe we are able to help others awaken to certain gifts within themselves that can then grow and flourish. On the other hand, I like the latter part of this definition of soul mate because there is still a gift in this kind of interaction, and the gift is given with unconditional love.

Soul mate love teaches us what it means to be in connection with another. We know what’s expected of us in this relationship, and even if it’s not everything that deep down we know we want or need, we sometimes hide out here because the thought of moving ahead into the unknown becomes too terrifying.

- Kate Rose, You Only Fall in Love Three Times

In many commentaries on "soul mates", the idea is that this is a safe space, your comfort zone, something expected. You may even find many people approving of this kind of a relationship, and there is a sense of security that can be found in that. It is not a relationship that offers much opportunity for growth and challenges. This is not to dismiss or judge this kind of a relationship. Some are very happy to be here and live life in close connection with their soul mate.

What is a "twin flame"?

Finally, we arrive at twin flame.

This (twin flame) is the love we never see coming. We are finally whole now and on our own, and this person complements us in unforeseen ways—and also challenges us in the best ways possible.

- Kate Rose, You Only Fall in Love Three Times

Your twin flame is your counterpart and your complement. Because they complement you, they are your match along all axes and dimensions, not just one or a few. That means that as you continue on your soul's path of growth and evolution, you will continue to be a match and will not outgrow each other. This speaks to the natural parallelism of your soul's path and journey too which is reflected in your twin flame union.

This is the love where we come together with someone and it just fits—there aren’t any ideals or expectations about how each person should be acting, nor is there pressure to become someone else. We are simply accepted for who we already are—and it shakes us to our core.

- Kate Rose, You Only Fall in Love Three Times

It is my view that your twin flame is your ideal match, and that you are one with them. It is also my conviction that you are meant to be united with your twin flame, and that the universe supports you in that, and that uniting with your twin flame allows you to awaken to a deeper knowing of yourself, of love itself, and your purpose or mission. This is not a fantasy, or idealised conception of romantic love, but a real-world, tangible relationship that also elevates you into the mystical or spiritual realm.

"Twin flame" vs. "soul mate" vs. "karmic"

Now that we have a few definitions, we can observe how these types of connections are different, and how they may be similar. There must be some similarity as there is some confusion within the communities when trying to distinguish between them, and for individuals themselves on the journey (not always, but often).

When it comes to "karmic" connections, I think there might be confusion because the process of awakening to a deeper knowing of yourself within your twin flame union - which does include becoming aware of unconscious aspects of yourself, certain patterns of unhealthy or toxic behaviour, and so on - can feel very difficult or painful. It is different to the kind of intensity or pain that you might experience with a "karmic", because really, once that hurt has been resolved, you may move on from the connection. You might also realise that you do not need to continue in a relationship with a "karmic" to resolve it. There are ways to transmute and release the energy, and sometimes walking away from that "karmic" cycle is the way to fully heal it.

With a "soul mate", it might be that finding a good match along a particular axis, especially if it is something you deeply value, is enough to commit to the relationship. If we observe the definition of a "soul mate" awakening a gift within you, that is - I think - also the dimension you might feel you match in. That is similar to your twin flame awakening something within you, or even that feeling of being matched. But in no way is that truly comparable in the eternal sense to the way you are matched and complemented by your twin flame. I do not say that to denigrate the idea of a "soul mate" connection, or to disparage anyone. Trust what you are drawn to, and what calls to your heart.

Your twin flame is the love that keeps knocking on our door regardless of how long it takes us to answer, because when someone is our forever, there’s no way to ruin it. It’s the love we can’t run away from.

- Kate Rose, You Only Fall in Love Three Times

Ultimately, it has been my observation that for those who truly desire to be united with their twin flame (and some already are), they embrace that their union is also intended to be a playground for spiritual growth. I use the term "playground" here to invoke that childlike innocence that comes part and parcel with your union. With your twin flame, you are not in it just with who you are now, but all aspects and parts of you are present (not all at once). Your union is designed to help you awaken, to support your soul's path of growth, and those who realise this, also welcome it. Your twin flame union is also where your passions and purpose truly come to life and can find expression.

In conclusion

As stated in the start of this post, it's not about being overly pedantic about the terms or attached to them. If you are not sure whether you are on a twin flame journey, experiencing a twin flame connection or not, trust that it will be revealed to you. For more about how you can determine whether someone is your twin flame or not, you may like to read this post for tips.

If you would like personal support on your Twin Flame journey, you might consider working with me.