Methods for Self Regulating
Updated: Aug 23, 2021
And how to apply them in your spiritual or twin flame journey
Note: the idea of creating this post is not to present or suggest a rigid discipline or practice (that is up to you to decide to implement if you wish), but to introduce some tools that I have found that have helped me on my path to process difficult or uncomfortable emotions, to heal from painful experiences, and to build my inner resilience and peace.
You are more likely to see noticeable results and progress from implementing a method (or methods) with regularity, rather than just trying it as a once off. You might also find that some methods feel more useful at some moments in your journey than others, so it's also an option to adjust your healing routine.
What is self regulation?
There might be different definitions available, but my understanding of self regulation is the capacity or ability to learn to give yourself what you need through accessing the source of love within, available to us all, rather than being dependent on an external source. This does not inhibit co-regulation, which is the ability also to receive support or love from others, while recognising that they are not the ones supplying what you need, as neither you or they are separate from the source of love, but are One with it.
Learning to self regulate will support you in your relationship with yourself as it helps you to learn to trust yourself, how to heal from painful experiences, to learn not to seek outside of yourself for the source of love, while also connecting you with that greater source of love. It helps you to remain focused on yourself and teaches you to turn within. This, in turn, helps you to feel more at peace within your twin flame union, as your twin flame begins to reflect the healing and peace you have cultivated within.
Although these methods are for self regulation, healing does also occur as you work through challenges together with your twin flame, or another you are in a relationship with. Self regulation gives you the inner resilience and foundation to be able to confidently show up in relationships where you are committed to growing in love together and finding resolution in the space of conflict.
You do not need any human intervention in your connection with the Divine.
Tools that can be used in the moment to center yourself
It might sound too easy, but simply engaging with your breath and allowing yourself to consciously deepen and be present with your breathing will help you to process intense emotions and feel more grounded within yourself. There are many practices that suggest this, but even just taking 3 deep breaths, or counting to ten while breathing deeply, can help you to physically experience a shift, which also affects you emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
Shifting your visual gaze
Neuroscience has found that shifting your gaze from a focused to a relaxed point of concentration - also referred to panoramic vs. focal vision - can also help you to shift mentally. As in, allowing your gaze to relax into a more open focus (say on the horizon), will also allow your mental focus to relax. So, if you notice in a moment of stress (constriction of energy) where your gaze is, you can consciously shift it to a panoramic view to allow an opening in your perception and energy.
Stating the truth to yourself
This can also be called "stating an affirmation", which is reminding yourself of what is true in a moment of upset that can help you to shift the intense emotion as it redirects you to love. An example of this might be, "I know I am upset with my twin flame right now, but I choose to love myself and them, and to remain focused on love." Or, "I am safe in this moment, in my body, and safe with love."
Tools to aid emotional release
Sometimes you notice that you just have some emotions coming up without wanting to dig into them too much. You don't need to analyse every feeling or thought, and sometimes just supporting yourself through the release is enough to shift the energy.
There are many forms of meditation, and there are plenty of resources available to learn meditation, from mindfulness practices, to visualisation, to guided meditations. The process of meditation is not intended to stop thinking, but rather to teach you a way of becoming more observant and unattached, allowing you to consciously respond rather than react.
Hypnosis or hypnotherapy
A deeper form of meditation, hypnosis is a guided practice that accesses your subconscious or unconscious mind. It is sometimes used with the intention of (de)programming certain neural pathways to allow you to experience a shift.
This practice is a form of sound healing, which can help you to connect with certain healing frequencies, and since words have power, to speak that love over your life and present experience.
Going for a walk, doing a training workout, yoga, dancing, or any form of physical exercise will also support the release of emotions as it helps you to switch out of mental patterns or narratives that might have you feeling stuck and ground you in the present moment of your experience in your body.
Tools for self reflection or introspection
This might be in the form of free writing or creative expression, or even take the form of gratitude journalling. It helps you to connect with the thoughts or feelings moving through your being, and gives you the space to be honest about your life. This empowers you to be more aware and to make mindful changes to align you with what you desire and to appreciate what you have in your life now.
This method is presented as a structure or loosely based format that you can use to help resolve inner blockages or heal wounds or traumas within. It is intended to help you learn to navigate this for yourself, and might be similar to other tools you come across. You can apply this when you notice that you're upset or closed down in your relationship with yourself, your twin flame, or someone else. Writing out these questions and answers may help you to concentrate more on the method, but this is optional.
Ask yourself: what is coming up for me right now? Or, what is my twin flame (or someone else) reflecting to me right now?
What behaviour, communication, etc. is taking place (or not taking place) that is causing me to feel this way (name the emotion e.g. hurt, fear, anger, betrayal, etc.)?
Next, ask yourself: what about this is causing me to feel this way?
What about what is happening is causing this emotion? Is this related to an earlier incident from my life, is this a recurring pattern, or something else?
Allow your intuition to guide you to look a little deeper at what is surfacing in your awareness.
Then ask yourself: what is it that I can do right now to help me to feel safe, loved and to feel at peace?
This might be in the form of doing an inner child visualisation, it might be making a new choice, it might require placing a boundary, or it could be just giving myself the space to feel, process and be, or something else.
Note: Whatever it is, you can give it to yourself, and you can trust yourself to know what it is you need. There is no wrong answer really. If at first you're feeling too caught up in emotions to clearly know what you need, breathe, and try one of the other methods before returning to this inner reflection exercise. The point is not to rush this step, so if it takes a little while, that is ok.
Ask yourself if you feel ready to fully let go of this upsetting experience or pattern. If so, move onto the final question. If not, spend some more time giving yourself what you need. There is no pressure to fully let go of something and it's about when you feel ready to do so. You can return to this exercise again at a later point.
Finally, once you feel at peace about it, you can ask yourself: what have I learned from moving through this? What is the gift or lesson that I can take forward with me?
Note: I have intentionally not provided any examples because the idea is that this inspires you to learn how to reflect in a way that feels natural and organic to you, rather than giving a strict outline that must be followed. Inner work is an alive process that helps you to know yourself. Try the steps, change them, see what works for you and what doesn't.
This summary of tools is not exhaustive. There are other tools, and you may find them helpful at certain times. You can combine these methods in any way that feels right to you and over time you will discern what works best for you. I encourage you also to share the tools you've used in a comment below and how they have helped you.